Recently Lindsey and I were hanging out at a local coffee shop, hot beverages in hand, sharing the kind of intimate details that one can only share with a good friend… or the blogosphere.
During this hour long conversation I happened to mention my Mexico Adventures.
“Heather! You slut! You never told me you had a one night stand on your vacation!!” She laughed while she said it.
“Because I didn’t,” I said confused.
“Yes you did,” she argued back.
“No I didn’t.”
We went on like this for an embarrassing amount of time.
“Ok… we need to stop this,” I said. “It couldn’t have been a one night stand.”
“Bull,” she replied. “You had sex with a strange female while on vacation and never saw them again. How is that NOT a one night stand?!”
“Well, for one I didn’t go back to her room. For another there was no sleep over. There wasn’t even any real sex! We just… had a little fun in the pool.”
“Sex in a pool,” she corrected.
“This is stupid. If a GUY had fingered me in Mexico we wouldn’t be calling it sex.” I countered.
“But it’s different with girls,” she replied.
“Well, first of all if we went by guy standards LESBIANS WOULD NEVER HAVE SEX!”
Ok, she had a point.
I sat back for a moment.
“Game, Set and Match,” she smiled triumphantly.
Damn it. I have got to learn to stop arguing with pretty women.
I did have to laugh though, here we were in a public restaurant where anyone could (and probably did) overhear us, talking about my sex life.
This would never happen with my straight friends. In fact, over the past few months that I have been out of the closet I have been noticing many growing differences between my gay pals and straight friends. Namely, my straight friends are really squeamish!
In the straight world a girl who goes out and has sex with multiple partners or in multiple risky locations is labelled a ‘slut’. She’s not the type of girl you want your poor, impressionable sons dating.
Even the topic of sex seems to be something to be avoided at all costs. And I do not understand why. Whenever I make a joke or comment (even something innocent in nature) I find my straight friends suddenly nervously studying the fixtures. Perhaps this is just my circle of friends, I do not know, but I’d appreciate it if you could enlighten me. Some days I feel as if the Catholic ideology has taken its hold; have sex for procreation, not enjoyment! And even then, make sure it is with the lights out in missionary position! AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT DISCUSS IT!!!
Trying to discuss sex with some of them is the equivalent of taking brand new Prada shoes from the wrapping and waxing them with cat urine. 9 times.
Or maybe it’s just me.
Then I sit down with my growing number of gay friends and the sex jokes fly. We talk freely and openly. We accept each other. We’re not so closed off that we are afraid of discussing something that is very much a part of our identity: sex.
And that’s when it struck me, as a lesbian sex is very much a part of my identity. I have spent the past year discussing my sexuality publically and openly. It is common place. It is a part of our very identities.
It isn’t taboo because we have spent the past days, months, years, decades, lifetimes defending our choices and therefore who we sleep with. So no, it’s nothing to sit in a public environment discussing one night stands. This is just a part of everyday life.
I had to stop and smile at Lindsey. She was teaching me more about myself than I even realized. For the longest time, outside of women I dated, she was my only window into gay lifestyle. She took me by the hand and introduced me to gay culture. And at that moment I was so very thankful to have her there with me.
I felt almost as if we had been picked up and transported to a restaurant in Europe. There sex wasn’t taboo. It is culturally accepted. There are nude beaches dotting the coastline. It is nothing sexual to see a nude woman wandering the sandy dunes by the waterside. It’s just the way life is.
And suddenly I couldn’t help but think that perhaps because we in the gay community spend all of our time doing what is so outside of the cultural norms that that is why we too can identify with the European ideals of sex and the human body. We step outside of our culture every day that we have the courage to state, no, we don’t prescribe to your norms we have a life and love and even though it does not look exactly like yours it is wonderful and perfect, nonetheless.
So tell me, am I alone in noticing this trend? Do you have straight friends that hide from the ‘sticky’ sex conversations too?
And for the love of God, settle the argument about whether my ‘Mexico fun’ was a one night stand or not!!! (Someone has got to agree with me, right?!?!!)