Recently Lindsey and I were hanging out at a local coffee shop, hot beverages in hand, sharing the kind of intimate details that one can only share with a good friend… or the blogosphere.
During this hour long conversation I happened to mention my Mexico Adventures.
“Heather! You slut! You never told me you had a one night stand on your vacation!!” She laughed while she said it.
“Because I didn’t,” I said confused.
“Yes you did,” she argued back.
“No I didn’t.”
We went on like this for an embarrassing amount of time.
“Ok… we need to stop this,” I said. “It couldn’t have been a one night stand.”
“Bull,” she replied. “You had sex with a strange female while on vacation and never saw them again. How is that NOT a one night stand?!”
“Well, for one I didn’t go back to her room. For another there was no sleep over. There wasn’t even any real sex! We just… had a little fun in the pool.”
“Sex in a pool,” she corrected.
“This is stupid. If a GUY had fingered me in Mexico we wouldn’t be calling it sex.” I countered.
“But it’s different with girls,” she replied.
“How?”
“Well, first of all if we went by guy standards LESBIANS WOULD NEVER HAVE SEX!”
Ok, she had a point.
I sat back for a moment.
“Game, Set and Match,” she smiled triumphantly.
Damn it. I have got to learn to stop arguing with pretty women.
I did have to laugh though, here we were in a public restaurant where anyone could (and probably did) overhear us, talking about my sex life.
This would never happen with my straight friends. In fact, over the past few months that I have been out of the closet I have been noticing many growing differences between my gay pals and straight friends. Namely, my straight friends are really squeamish!
In the straight world a girl who goes out and has sex with multiple partners or in multiple risky locations is labelled a ‘slut’. She’s not the type of girl you want your poor, impressionable sons dating.
Even the topic of sex seems to be something to be avoided at all costs. And I do not understand why. Whenever I make a joke or comment (even something innocent in nature) I find my straight friends suddenly nervously studying the fixtures. Perhaps this is just my circle of friends, I do not know, but I’d appreciate it if you could enlighten me. Some days I feel as if the Catholic ideology has taken its hold; have sex for procreation, not enjoyment! And even then, make sure it is with the lights out in missionary position! AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT DISCUSS IT!!!
Trying to discuss sex with some of them is the equivalent of taking brand new Prada shoes from the wrapping and waxing them with cat urine. 9 times.
Or maybe it’s just me.
Then I sit down with my growing number of gay friends and the sex jokes fly. We talk freely and openly. We accept each other. We’re not so closed off that we are afraid of discussing something that is very much a part of our identity: sex.
And that’s when it struck me, as a lesbian sex is very much a part of my identity. I have spent the past year discussing my sexuality publically and openly. It is common place. It is a part of our very identities.
It isn’t taboo because we have spent the past days, months, years, decades, lifetimes defending our choices and therefore who we sleep with. So no, it’s nothing to sit in a public environment discussing one night stands. This is just a part of everyday life.
I had to stop and smile at Lindsey. She was teaching me more about myself than I even realized. For the longest time, outside of women I dated, she was my only window into gay lifestyle. She took me by the hand and introduced me to gay culture. And at that moment I was so very thankful to have her there with me.
I felt almost as if we had been picked up and transported to a restaurant in Europe. There sex wasn’t taboo. It is culturally accepted. There are nude beaches dotting the coastline. It is nothing sexual to see a nude woman wandering the sandy dunes by the waterside. It’s just the way life is.
And suddenly I couldn’t help but think that perhaps because we in the gay community spend all of our time doing what is so outside of the cultural norms that that is why we too can identify with the European ideals of sex and the human body. We step outside of our culture every day that we have the courage to state, no, we don’t prescribe to your norms we have a life and love and even though it does not look exactly like yours it is wonderful and perfect, nonetheless.
So tell me, am I alone in noticing this trend? Do you have straight friends that hide from the ‘sticky’ sex conversations too?
And for the love of God, settle the argument about whether my ‘Mexico fun’ was a one night stand or not!!! (Someone has got to agree with me, right?!?!!)
well i for one agree with u babe!! i got ur back 200%
lol… Thanks Care.
Nice to know you always have my back.
I’m still recovering from the Prada line. Do you have to wax them with cat urine 9 times? Oy! Anyway, I think that you frolicked with a flirtatious femme. You did it with Brian’s permission, and you were on vacation. That’s my opinion, and I’m sticking to it;).
lol… Remember your face when you read the Prada line? The confused… WHAT? BUT why? Why would she do that? I’m so confused… and a little… yick!
That’s basically the face I get from my straight friends when I bring up sex. ‘Why are we talking about this Heather? Why? I don’t understand? Can’t we put the shoes back in the box??’
I like your opinion… it’s pretty much right on par with my own. lol. Although honestly, we can call it a one night stand, or we can call it a hot tryst, regardless it was still HOT HOT HOT!
I think the sex talk has more to do with the personalities than the sexualities involved. That’s how it is in my circle of friends, anyway. I talk about sex with almost all of my friends: straight, lesbian & bi. Only a handful of my straight friends know I’m bi so my conversations with those who don’t know are different in some ways but by no means tame! The straight friends that know I’m bi & non-monogamous with my husband are very curious and full of questions rather than shying away from the topic, but then I chose to confide in them because I felt safe doing so.(And likely I was drunk when I first shared the news!!)
And you totally had a one night stand. A freaking hot-as-hell vacation hook-up. Own that, girl!!!
You may be exactly right BiGirl, it may be more about personalities than about actual sexual orientation. I just find with my friends it seems to run along some very specific lines. But this may just be them. I’m glad that you are able to be open and honest with both of your sets of friends. I envy you a bit. Perhaps I should try to spill the news that I, too, am non-monogamous with my husband while drinking and see if MY straight friends take the bait! lol.
Labels are just that… labels. One night stand, hot tryst, …. who cares. It was Hot! And I will definitely OWN THAT!
id have to disagree, no clothes came off, you didnt go back to her room, you just had a hot quickie orgasm. id call it a tryst perhaps but not a 1 night stand… barely even a quickie in fact
as for the sex talk thing, it does depend alot on personalities like bi mentioned, but I find LGBT people tend to have the more open personalities in general, id say a large part of it is that LGBT people identify themselves based on their sexual preferences and had to “come out” and open up in most cases bringing everything into the light to start with. thats a great start to general sexual openness and more important, acceptance (which tends to hinder on the squeamishness imo).
straight people do not make being straight part of their identity like gay/lesbian people do, they never had to realize it, accept it, come out, or open up about it, or even explain it to people such as family and friends. and its generally not part of who they are in the same regards it is to the LGBT community. its just there and much more in the background in general.
hehehe… hot quickie orgasm..
I like the way you think.
So you’ve noticed it too?? It’s not just me? Someone else has uptight straight friends???
Maybe it’s just the certain people that we made friends with but I have noticed it too. And I think along the same lines as you, that when you are forced to explain your sexual preferences to friends, family and even strangers that yes, it does open you up quite a bit. I don’t know. Clearly, I will never be a scientist. lol. My observational skills suck.
Thanks for weighing in guys!!
if I had to narrow it down to one thing, my guess would be not the having to explain and come out (tho it would be in the top 3) but I think acceptance would be #1. and I dont think you would find many people who would argue that gay people are less accepting of peoples sexuality then straight people are
I won’t argue that gay people are less accepting of people’s sexuality than straight people, I will however say that being LBGT does not automatically mean open-mindedness or inclusivity is a given. I know we all understand wide generalizations can’t be made…I just feel the need to say that I’ve felt judged by both straight women and lesbians for (1) considering myself bi and (2) choosing to be non-monogamous.
BiGirl,
That is a very good point. It is not an easy road for someone who considers themselves bi in the LGBT world… And why? It’s no different than being gay or straight! Heck! It’s right up there in the acronym!! I’ve had many people online tell me that because I choose to stay with my husband that clearly I am bi. And they seem to think of that as a bad thing! It makes 0 sense to me.
Sorry if you have ever gone through this. I promise your voice is valued here.
Heather recently posted..Husbands vs. Girlfriends. Open Relationships are a lot of work!
Ha! I love that Ecard. Eh, I agree, I think it’s personalities more than orientations, but who knows, I could be wrong. But my straight friends and I talk about sex all the time too. We’re just mega pervs and proud of it, what can I say?
Mega pervs!! There’s a label I can embrace!
Hahahaha!! I LOVE it!!
You could be 200% right. It may just be my friends that seem so definitively split. Personality is important. Lol! I should make a requirement for being my friend from now on… All must be “Mega Perves” hehehhe… I love it too!
Heather recently posted..Husbands vs. Girlfriends. Open Relationships are a lot of work!
“Trying to discuss sex with some of them is the equivalent of taking brand new Prada shoes from the wrapping and waxing them with cat urine.”
*laughs so effing hard