I spent the night on Saturday at Nicole’s place.
Surprise? Not really.
As I had stated earlier, I was planning on drinking intoxicating beverages with Nicole and her cronies that night. All night. And into the wee hours of the morning. Until we finally stumbled away from her friends place and found ourselves back at her home, under the covers, discovering each other for the first time. But with Nicole now strung up on pain meds with a possibly broken ankle the situation had suddenly changed.
It had gone from sexy fun to awkward in a matter of seconds. We had been anticipating a night of fun that easily transitioned into fun inbetween the sheets.
Two newly dating lesbians + alcohol = yeah baby!
But now that easy transition was gone. Yet, we’re still looking at each other feeling the expectation that we WOULD have sex. Awkward.
How do you start THAT conversation?
“Hey.. so… do you still wanna… you know?”
I felt like I was a teenager all over again. Not the mature woman I am, in charge of my actions and decisions.
I closed my eyes and could feel my heart pounding a little bit. I was nervous. But not the good kind of nervous. The nervous that reminded me of an awkward former self, setting out to explore and try to understand the male body, while not really enjoying the male body, and trying to figure out this whole sex thing while not understanding why it was so hard when all of my other friends seemed to enjoy sex so much and aaaaack!!
So I did what I frequently do when I start to over think scenerios… I told myself to shut up. True story.
We had barely made it in the door and already I was over analyzing and making things more difficult than they needed to be.
And while I was busy reeming myself out for being so completely mentally unstable, I heard Nicole starting to laugh from her position on the floor.
“I can’t get my boot off!” she half cried, half laughed.
I looked down at her, seated on the floor, tugging helplessly at her black boot that had now melded with the swollen foot inside.
Suddenly I couldn’t help but laugh. I squatted down and tried to gently remove her boot, but it wasn’t budging.
It took 4 heaves before I toppled over backwards, the freed boot going over my head and landing sqaurely in the centre of her kitchen floor. And then it was all we could do to contain our giggles.
I crawled over beside her and put my head down on her shoulder while the last of her laughter died out. I didn’t entirely understand why but I suddenly felt better. The tension in the air disipated. It was as if it had never been there in the first place. As the last of her giggles came to an end, I looked up into her eyes and saw all the reasons that I cared about her so much in the first place. Sitting right next to me was this amazing woman who could take even the worst moments of her day and turn it into an adventure. She was always positive. Always upbeat. Always striving and moving for more. She was funny and kind.
And damn if she didn’t have a great body to boot!
I gently cupped her cheek with my hand and kissed her.
I heard a little moan escape the back of her throat as she kissed me back, passionately. Her hands running through my hair and over my body.
She smiled, breathless at me, “Want to come upstairs?”
I helped her limp up the stairs, and then we were rolling under the covers, pulling off pieces of clothing, and discovering each other for the very first time.
I guess part of the reason I’m recording this is that I want it known that relationships are full of false starts. Of awkward moments. Not every time can be sex in a meadow under the stars while you listen to your all time favourite love songs on the radio. There are plenty of times that don’t blow your mind or leave you scrambling; trying to remember what room you left your underwear in.
But they can still be amazing, nonetheless.
I also write it because when two people get together for the first time, they carry with them an airplane full of baggage from previous relationships and passed experiences. Sometimes those brightly coloured, neatly labelled bags are incredibly difficult to overcome especially when you look inside and see what they house: intimacy issues, body issues, trust issues, etc. It’s only when you allow yourself to be comfortable with the person that you’re with that you’re able to really begin to work through and leave the baggage claim tickets behind.